Shit Happening is Predictable, So Stop Dicking Around and Close (Part II)

Aug 30, 2011 | Business

I originally posted this and the preceding post, Stop Dicking Around and Close: Lessons from the $24M Fundraising #Fail, on the 500 Startups email list (which is awesome). The origin of the discussion is Misadventures in VC Funding: The $24 Million Moz Almost Raised, by Rand Fishkin (great guy). Needless to say, I got some shit for what I wrote. This is my response.

Am I a dick who stirs up shit by intentionally and knowingly saying things that others are too polite to even mention? Yes.

Is SEOMoz a great business that makes real money? Yes.

Did they have 2 funding rounds implode? Yes.

Should we feel sorry for Rand et al. as fellow entrepreneurs and human beings? Sure.

But those are not the real questions that matter to you and me, my fellow founders who struggle to stay alive and run highly-speculative, (mostly) wildly unprofitable companies that cannot afford to have entire $24M funding rounds implode.

The real question is: What’s our take away?

Our take away is and should be: Shit happens. Shit happening is predictable. Be cynical. Stop dicking around and just fucking close. Your startup’s life depends on it.

Moreover, here’s what our takeaway should NOT be:

“Man, VC’s are dicks. There’s nothing we can do to save ourselves from their whimsical, fickle nature!”

…which is what I heard a lot of yesterday.

***

Response from 500 Startups partner and fellow shit talker Dave McClure:

>>”takeaway should NOT be: Man, VC’s are dicks. There’s nothing we can do to save ourselves from their whimsical, fickle nature”

actually I think you were right the first time… we ARE dicks. (*cough*). and we are whimsical.

and especially because we are these things, you need to CLOSE motherfucker, CLOSE!

signed,

your fickle fucking dick VC 😉

2 Comments

  1. anonymous
    anonymous on August 31, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Okay, so I get your point… just fucking close. But he didn’t procrastinate. He made the contacts. He had the meetings. He did the work. He had solid revenue of over $5 million/month (unlike some other companies we might mention…).

    What, in your opinion, should he have done differently? How would you have closed it?

  2. Geoff Ward
    Geoff Ward on August 31, 2011 at 5:14 am

    At least you got something right. The Wire is the best mutherfuckin show of all time. And this follow-up effectively clarifies your points so thanks for that. Mos def.